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| Monday, October 12th, 2009 | | 11:46 am |
turning aside from the mundane tasks of life
today was a day in which i was absolutely overwhelmed by panic. afraid that i can't finish all my marking in time, amidst the various errands and appointments that suddenly popped up this week. it's incredible, the number of things i wanted to accomplish by today. thank you God for the reminder that i'm not superhuman, and helping me surrender my to-do list today. faith is a day-to-day living out of the belief that Your provide enough for me in every aspect of life, even TIME. I pray for the discipline to get enough rest physically and to remember to feed myself spiritually. | | Monday, October 5th, 2009 | | 11:01 am |
Wisdom
Proverbs 1: 20(Y) Wisdom cries aloud in the street, in the markets she raises her voice; [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<br \>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Proverbs 1: <br><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-16421">20</sup><sup class="xref" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-16421Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)">(<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%201&version=ESV#cen-ESV-16421Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)</sup> Wisdom cries aloud in the street,<br> in the markets she raises her voice;<br \=""> <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-16422">21</sup>at the head of the noisy streets she cries out;<br> at<sup class="xref" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-16422Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)">(<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%201&version=ESV#cen-ESV-16422Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)</sup> the entrance of the city gates she speaks:<br \=""> <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-16423">22</sup>"How long, O<sup class="xref" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-16423AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)">(<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%201&version=ESV#cen-ESV-16423AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)</sup> simple ones, will you love being simple?<br><br>Since Saturday, there's been this fresh hunger for God. To hear from Him and to know Him. and how true it is that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Suddenly I find that I'm no longer going through the motions, doing what needs to be done and collasing in exhaustion before another day. Suddenly there's that still small voice of God speaking clearly, giving wisdom for each moment and situation. How different it feels, like being alive and knowing He's in control, knowing I'm safe with Him. Knowing that He knows the pitfalls along the way and is speaking through His word to reveal them before it's too late. <br><br>It's so difficult to believe that the line between living faith and running on empty is so thin. How did I suddenly cross it? God kept calling, and calling .. and bringing circumstances and people across my path to turn my heart towards Him .. and finally one day, deep down inside, I responded. It wasn't even a conscious decision, it was more like a thirst or a hunger. We don't try to anlyse hunger, we just seek to fill it. Indeed, He is faithful. <br><br>My prayer is that I will acquire enough wisdom to fear living without it. That I will never again return to living life by autopilot again.<br> <!-- multiply:no_crosspost --><p class='multiply:no_crosspost'></p> | | Saturday, October 3rd, 2009 | | 1:21 am |
God invaded my Saturday
I had great plans for this morning. My new part-time domestic helper, Maria, was supposed to come at eight thirty. I was going to see if I could make it slightly late for CG at eleven plus, when my tuition kid asked if we could meet at 1pm instead. Since I was already going to be rather late for CG, I agreed, and decided to skip CG for the week. So, when I woke up this morning, I realised I hadn't given Maria my address, and hastily smsed her. She replied to confirm our appt for the day, but not the timing. Having some time to spare before our eight thirty appt, I looked around for something to read or do. It was too early to start any form of work, so I grabbed my bible and journal, and headed outdoors to read and grab a toasty sandwich from the vending machine. Two hours later, no sign of or sound sound from Maria. I sms her, and realise she thinks she's coming at 1pm. Great, so I ask her if she can come later in the afternoon. Nope. SO I ask my tuition kid if we can meet earlier instead, at 1130am. Nope. I ask her if she can meet on monday evening instead. Nope. In defeat, I reschedule with Maria for an appt next Saturday instead. (Sigh, the house is so filthy I'll probably do some of the cleaning on my own later, I think to myself) Tuition kid replies to say she can probably do any other day except Monday. Bingo! I sms Maria and ask if she's still okay for today. No reply. I call her, and of course, she's already on her way out to meet her friend since I cancelled today's appointment. No tuition either, cos we've agreed to meet sometime during the coming week. All the while this flurry of smsing is going on, I'm reading roots and wings, my Bible, and journalling. And whaddya know, it's all about surrender, obedience, trusting God and stuff like that. Surrendering my plans for my time sure wasn't easy. I've learnt to guard it jealously and tend to overreact when things just don't fit into my plan. Choosing to obey God and not schedule stuff on tomorrow's Sunday Sabbath was a real struggle too. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. A clean house AND a fuzzy feeling from helping a struggling student in need, why not? Gimme gimme, all of it. Of course, if I could get in some hours of marking and lesson prep too, that would be an added bonus. It would all have been a cinch if I just scheduled one of those items tomorrow instead. Trusting God to work things out despite the schedule clashes, trying to believe that somehow things would work themselves out while I tried to read, reflect, journal and pray was a classic juggling act too. I happened to write down the reflection that surrendering to God can be a joyful thing because it doesn't mean we have to suppress our stifle our needs or desires. It means we can be perfectly honest and bring all these needs and desires to God, trusting that He'll help us sift through them all, and bring about only what's best for us. So I find it rather funny that instead of my packed day, I now have absolutely nothing on. In the process of trying to have everything I wanted, I cancelled everything out. By the way, one of the points in the roots and wings study was of how we 'run after emptiness'. What a perfect object lesson. Thus, the blog entry after an extremely extended hiatus. Today was the first time I felt excited and happy being alone with God and my journal, in a long, long time. Through some divine appointments that have been happening in the past weeks, I'm also making a visit back to WEB service today, once again, after a really long, long, looooong time. I'm really looking forward to it! So, it's time to get started on my marking, in a leisurely fashion while watching Heroes I guess. But first, I need to email my MG with the DJs I've owed for the past few weeks. Then maybe some light household cleaning. Oh yes, and that CCA attendance file I've been meaning to go through and convert into an excel document. And of course, the weekly lesson plan for the week ahead, and how could I forget that proposal I owe the principal? Hm, and maybe I could squeeze in dinner with my friend before she picks me up on the way to WEB? Hm .. the possibilities are endless. Dear God, I think it's time for you to invade my day ... again. | | Sunday, March 29th, 2009 | | 10:41 am |
a great weekend
porridge breakfast in the morning. you taking the time to draw me out in conversation, helping me realise that I have a choice, that God has given me the power to choose to make things better. lazy times at home, dinner with family. God speaking in the service this morning, Charlene praying for me, an image of a once dirty cloth, washed white as snow. Waiting at the bank, our first joint account, lunch at Lerk Thai. Nap on the bus, home to visit mum. A walk in the rain, laughs and clumsy dancing. you make me laugh dear dear :) Thank you Pa, for freeing my heart to love again, knowing that you understand every bit of it. That I don't need to prove myself to You, or anyone, because You already know. You have always known that I love you, though it seems to me so hard to tell from what I do everyday. You have given me life, and hope, and joy ... because I've remembered Your blessings upon me. We cannot outrun the love of God. Thank You :) | | Saturday, March 28th, 2009 | | 11:43 am |
good day
sleepy sleepy now, but just logging in to record tt i had a good day today :) these days, i feel i've lost e ability to be grateful or appreciate things. im so tired out and haywire that in all things i can only see the bad. today was good cos i got to talk stuff thru with galvs, who asked me some probing questions. He helped me realise that I have a choice and a way out of the situations im experiencing that are making me so unhappy. And even though I have not made up my mind whether to make the choices/ changes, I can move on without harping on the same issues anymore because I've realised that I -do- have a choice. :) | | Wednesday, March 25th, 2009 | | 10:22 am |
photos from long ago
hur blogging now cos im feeling the inertia to go continue my bible study on esther. It's terrible. Once i stop, it's super difficult to start. It's sposed to be only 10 weeks long, and i'm halfway thru, which means I should be able to finish it sometime in the next 2 mths or so. But I'm procrastinating away. Today Galvs came over for our regular wed date night and I dug up heaps of old albums in a bid to select photos for our 'growing up years' montage. Woo what a whole lot of dust. But lots of heartwarming moments too. Those albums go as far back as when my parents were teenagers and children! Haha I realised I like the way I looked as a kid. It was only in Sec sch that I think I began to look a little funny. I like the way I looked in JC too, mostly. It's funny how you always find fault with how u look in e present but looking back, there seemed to be a whole lot of good stuff i never appreciated in e past! haha like how i've been thinking tt i've been rather chubby my whole life .. only to find now tt I think I look rather skinny in all my school photos .. compared to now! ahaha Lots of nice pics with me and family. I look like I was a happy and affectionate kid, a lot more affectionate than I remember myself being. Am thankful to God for such a childhood. I know it's not something to take forgranted at all. I wonder if all my kids in school are experiencing such a blessed environment as they grow up. I'm being optimistic but I am thinking most of them should ... but it's a lot more disconnected these days I would think, with kids getting attention-monopolising gadgets such as PsPs and mobile phones at earlier and earlier ages these days. Ok .. time to sleep. two more days in the week. I'm not even thinking of what's on the schedule this weekend. I'd just like to make it to Friday! thank u very much. goodnight world :) | | Monday, March 23rd, 2009 | | 10:43 am |
Obstacles
Hoho, yesterday I was just telling Galvs that every time I try to do some wedding prep, things go wrong. This evening, an inexplicable migraine struck. Immobilised for most of the evening after I got home from school. Galvs prayed for me, and the headache subsided somewhat. Still with a constant ache behind my eyes, I decided to dig up the bits of the website I spent last tuesday evening writing in the hopes of completing a section or two more tonight. Guess what, I found the document, opened it and it was absolutely empty. I must have made some boo boo like click the 'no' when prompted to save the changes to the document. arghhhhhhh. No mood to get back to writing tonight, and the headache is worsening again. The smallest things can seem like they require a huge effort. | | Sunday, March 22nd, 2009 | | 10:16 am |
Accountability
It's exactly 10 weeks to the wedding. After waiting almost a year, 10 weeks should seem like a really short distance away but somehow it doesn't. Probably it's just the mental hurdles I'm facing - the thought of bringing my drama kids to SYF, putting up the assembly programme on 20-21 April, preparing my students for the Mid Year Exams, surviving one more term of school. The thing is, I've been allowing work to skew my perspective on things. Yesterday I stayed up to write the story of how Galvin and I first got together so that he can post it our wedding website, and it really struck me how much both of us have changed. When we first met, we were two kids seeking hard after God. These days I feel more like a premature adult who's aged quicker than I should, for reasons that are not quite clear. God is still there, faithful as always, but it's a lot harder for me to trust, believe and relate to Him now. Work has definitely got in the way. Today, at the special prayer and worship session called by Ps. Edmund, I had a mini breakthru of sorts. I realised why my heart had become hardened. Through the day to day grind and ups and downs of work, seeing Christian colleagues get bogged down by never-ending work demands and settling to 'just get by' rather than soar, and experiencing it all myself - I had stopped seeing God at work. I couldn't truly worship because I no longer believed deep down that God could really, really help me. I felt stuck in various circumstances and hopelessly burdened because I could no longer see God in the picture, and where I fit in. Lately, I've been doing a bible study on Esther, by Beth Moore, subtitled "It's Tough Being a Woman". In many ways I'm beginning to empathise with Esther ... a young girl suddenly caught up into the court of a king, in a system she didn't understand, bestowed with favour she had not earned and constantly wary of how she might suddenly lose it ... Then called out of her own worries to act on behalf of all her people, where only she stood in the gap between life and death, in her decision to speak or not to. My heart cries that it wasn't fair of God to demand that of Esther, to thrust such a heavy burden on her young shoulders. That's not even half of what I face, but already I feel that some burdens I've seen are too much for me to bear. Inaction due to inadequacy only leads to a hardened heart though, I've found. All this leads back to the wedding though. Through that simple ceremony, I have the chance, to share God's goodness with the hundreds of students, colleagues and friends who will be at my wedding. I have the chance to tell them what I was and how far He brought me .. and how He has sustained Galvs and myself to this day. I will have a chance to show them the beauty of agape love, first demonstrated by God for us on the cross, and in the promises that Galvs and I will be making to each other. I will have a chance to show them that there is more to life than the daily grind, that there is more to live for than affection, attention, approval, or acclaim. My prayer is that I won't get so bogged down with work.. that by the time that day comes, I will be just going through the motions. And thus I must blog each week, to keep accountable with you who read my entries .. to share my struggles along this journey, rather than numb myself with other distractions. Please pray for us, that in all we do, there will be the heart for God, and the heart for others. :) | | Sunday, February 1st, 2009 | | 10:20 am |
tired out.
It's about four months to go to the big day, and i've been feeling a deflated balloon. No, not that I've been losing weight, but just that I've been feeling so tired. It's really not the wedding prep though, cos so many dear friends have been volunteering to take care of this and that, so much so that I really haven't had to do a thing beyond the bare necessities. The way I see it, there are two main reasons. 1. I need to be filled by God. To do this I need to carve out regular time for QT, but that's just not within my mental willpower right now, to do it. I can't even get up the will to want it enough, no strength to stick it out and persevere. 2. I'm an introvert in a job that sees me interacting with about easily about 100 people or more per day. I'm drained out of my brains by the time the work day ends, though I can seriously say I'm loving my time in the classroom. I have no solution. I wish I had more energy to be intentional about things in these last four months. | | Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 | | 7:57 am |
thanksgivings and blessings
This year, 2009, has been rather different and special for me. First of all, there's ivy, my colleague who gives me a lift to school ever morning. she's a christian too, and we've taken to praying for each other in e car before school whenever either of us is having a particular tough time. I can't stop giving thanks for christian colleagues, and the easygoing staff culture at fajar. God has been ever so good ... empowering me to keep up my regular runs after school that help keep my energy up and clear my mind after a full day at work. I feel much healthier and fitter. For Galvin, who took time off just to come and have dinner with me today and check on me after I started crying on the phone last night, cos I was feeling ill and stressed. Okay, I think I should go do some quiet time now, for the first time in a long time. May I be ever thankful! | | Friday, January 16th, 2009 | | 10:21 am |
Acknowledging the fulfilled promises of God
Deut 26: 1-3 When you come into the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance and have taken possession of it and live in it ... you shall go to the priest who is in office at that time and say to him, 'I declare today to the LORD your God that I have come into the land that the LORD swore to our fathers to give us.' Deut 26: 18 And the LORD has declared today that you are a people for his treasured possession, as he has promised you, and that you are to keep all his commandments. These verses speak to me about how often it is that God fulfils His promises to us and blesses us just as He said we would ... but when we come into the promised land, we might not recognise it for what it is. The Israelites saw Canaan for the first time and declared it a land full of fearful giants. In this season, I choose to wait, believeing to see. Not to listen to the judgments and conclusions that my earthly eyes and heart declare, but to listen to the promises of God. My God, He is a faithful God. Your eye is on the sparrow And Your hand, it comforts me From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart Let Your mercy and strength be seen You call me to Your purpose As angels understand For Your glory, may You draw all men As Your love and grace demand And I will run to You To Your words of truth Not by might, not by power But by the spirit of God Yes I will run the race 'Till I see Your face Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace Indeed, not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit of God. :) | | Monday, December 15th, 2008 | | 1:19 am |
Time to write!
As usual, popping in to scribble notes on various milestone moments in my life. Today, I finally went forward for the altar call. It's taken a good one to two months after the most crushing period of work for my heart to soften enough to heed God's gentle call. As I was prayed for, the word that was given was not something new, but a confirmation of what God has spoken before. On 30th October to be exact - Matthew 11: 25-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." I made a commitment today to step forth into the new year and all it brings with joy and expectation .. not with dread and fear. It was a relief to finally let go .. and yet it takes conscious effort not to take the burdens back. How fearful I was, of the crushing work load and expectations. I desperately want to fulfil my calling to my utmost, but so often find the work beyond the strength of my will. The year 2009 ... oh, it will be a good one. My Father in heaven has prepared blessings upon blessings, and I will open my hands to receive them. I will not fear the assignments that come from the human bosses above me, but I will rise to the challenge and soar. I will trust God for time enough to rest, and I will make time to care for my soul. I will remember to love others above all tasks, and be mindful that relationships are the most important thing. I will rest in God, as He has commanded me, and be content in His love. Indeed, nothing I can do, can make Him love me more than He already does. My God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever. :) In other news, Galvin and I recently had our pre-wedding photographs taken. It was a really fun experience and it felt great dressing up and being pretty :) How wonderful it is to feel your husband-to-be's eyes on you, knowing that you have captivated his heart. Haha! We must master the art of being able to do that even without the fake eyelashes and make-up. Hur maybe he already has! For a look at the behind-the-scenes shots kindly taken by my sister, check out this link: and look for the 11 Dec album. Two more weeks of holidays, and I need to settle down and begin planning for school in earnest. Thank you Papa .. for restoring my hope in You this season. :) | | Sunday, December 14th, 2008 | | 12:18 pm |
It's time to write!
As usual, popping in to scribble notes on various milestone moments in my life. Today, I finally went forward for the altar call. It's taken a good one to two months after the most crushing period of work for my heart to soften enough to heed God's gentle call. As I was prayed for, the word that was given was not something new, but a confirmation of what God has spoken before. On 30th October to be exact - Matthew 11: 25-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." I made a commitment today to step forth into the new year and all it brings with joy and expectation .. not with dread and fear. It was a relief to finally let go .. and yet it takes conscious effort not to take the burdens back. How fearful I was, of the crushing work load and expectations. I desperately want to fulfil my calling to my utmost, but so often find the work beyond the strength of my will. The year 2009 ... oh, it will be a good one. My Father in heaven has prepared blessings upon blessings, and I will open my hands to receive them. I will not fear the assignments that come from the human bosses above me, but I will rise to the challenge and soar. I will trust God for time enough to rest, and I will make time to care for my soul. I will remember to love others above all tasks, and be mindful that relationships are the most important thing. I will rest in God, as He has commanded me, and be content in His love. Indeed, nothing I can do, can make Him love me more than He already does. My God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever. :) In other news, Galvin and I recently had our pre-wedding photographs taken. It was a really fun experience and it felt great dressing up and being pretty :) How wonderful it is to feel your husband-to-be's eyes on you, knowing that you have captivated his heart. Haha! We must master the art of being able to do that even without the fake eyelashes and make-up. Hur maybe he already has! For a look at the behind-the-scenes shots kindly taken by my sister, check out this link: http://www.galvs.net/photos.php and look for the 11 Dec album. Two more weeks of holidays, and I need to settle down and begin planning for school in earnest. Thank you Papa .. for restoring my hope in You this season. :) | | 12:16 pm |
It's time to write!
As usual, popping in to scribble notes on various milestone moments in my life. Today, I finally went forward for the altar call. It's taken a good one to two months after the most crushing period of work for my heart to soften enough to heed God's gentle call. As I was prayed for, the word that was given was not something new, but a confirmation of what God has spoken before. On 30th October to be exact - Matthew 11: 25-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." I made a commitment today to step forth into the new year and all it brings with joy and expectation .. not with dread and fear. It was a relief to finally let go .. and yet it takes conscious effort not to take the burdens back. How fearful I was, of the crushing work load and expectations. I desperately want to fulfil my calling to my utmost, but so often find the work beyond the strength of my will. The year 2009 ... oh, it will be a good one. My Father in heaven has prepared blessings upon blessings, and I will open my hands to receive them. I will not fear the assignments that come from the human bosses above me, but I will rise to the challenge and soar. I will trust God for time enough to rest, and I will make time to care for my soul. I will remember to love others above all tasks, and be mindful that relationships are the most important thing. I will rest in God, as He has commanded me, and be content in His love. Indeed, nothing I can do, can make Him love me more than He already does. My God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever. :) In other news, Galvin and I recently had our pre-wedding photographs taken. It was a really fun experience and it felt great dressing up and being pretty :) How wonderful it is to feel your husband-to-be's eyes on you, knowing that you have captivated his heart. Haha! We must master the art of being able to do that even without the fake eyelashes and make-up. Hur maybe he already has! For a look at the behind-the-scenes shots kindly taken by my sister, check out this link: and look for the 11 Dec album. Two more weeks of holidays, and I need to settle down and begin planning for school in earnest. Thank you Papa .. for restoring my hope in You this season. :) | | 12:14 pm |
It's time to write!
As usual, popping in to scribble notes on various milestone moments in my life. Today, I finally went forward for the altar call. It's taken a good one to two months after the most crushing period of work for my heart to soften enough to heed God's gentle call. As I was prayed for, the word that was given was not something new, but a confirmation of what God has spoken before. On 30th October to be exact - Matthew 11: 25-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." I made a commitment today to step forth into the new year and all it brings with joy and expectation .. not with dread and fear. It was a relief to finally let go .. and yet it takes conscious effort not to take the burdens back. How fearful I was, of the crushing work load and expectations. I desperately want to fulfil my calling to my utmost, but so often find the work beyond the strength of my will. The year 2009 ... oh, it will be a good one. My Father in heaven has prepared blessings upon blessings, and I will open my hands to receive them. I will not fear the assignments that come from the human bosses above me, but I will rise to the challenge and soar. I will trust God for time enough to rest, and I will make time to care for my soul. I will remember to love others above all tasks, and be mindful that relationships are the most important thing. I will rest in God, as He has commanded me, and be content in His love. Indeed, nothing I can do, can make Him love me more than He already does. My God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever. :) In other news, Galvin and I recently had our pre-wedding photographs taken. It was a really fun experience and it felt great dressing up and being pretty :) How wonderful it is to feel your husband-to-be's eyes on you, knowing that you have captivated his heart. Haha! We must master the art of being able to do that even without the fake eyelashes and make-up. Hur maybe he already has! For a look at the behind-the-scenes shots kindly taken by my sister, check out this link: and look for the 11 Dec album. Two more weeks of holidays, and I need to settle down and begin planning for school in earnest. Thank you Papa .. for restoring my hope in You this season. :) | | 12:13 pm |
It's time to write!
As usual, popping in to scribble notes on various milestone moments in my life. Today, I finally went forward for the altar call. It's taken a good one to two months after the most crushing period of work for my heart to soften enough to heed God's gentle call. As I was prayed for, the word that was given was not something new, but a confirmation of what God has spoken before. On 30th October to be exact - Matthew 11: 25-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." I made a commitment today to step forth into the new year and all it brings with joy and expectation .. not with dread and fear. It was a relief to finally let go .. and yet it takes conscious effort not to take the burdens back. How fearful I was, of the crushing work load and expectations. I desperately want to fulfil my calling to my utmost, but so often find the work beyond the strength of my will. The year 2009 ... oh, it will be a good one. My Father in heaven has prepared blessings upon blessings, and I will open my hands to receive them. I will not fear the assignments that come from the human bosses above me, but I will rise to the challenge and soar. I will trust God for time enough to rest, and I will make time to care for my soul. I will remember to love others above all tasks, and be mindful that relationships are the most important thing. I will rest in God, as He has commanded me, and be content in His love. Indeed, nothing I can do, can make Him love me more than He already does. My God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever. :) In other news, Galvin and I recently had our pre-wedding photographs taken. It was a really fun experience and it felt great dressing up and being pretty :) How wonderful it is to feel your husband-to-be's eyes on you, knowing that you have captivated his heart. Haha! We must master the art of being able to do that even without the fake eyelashes and make-up. Hur maybe he already has! For a look at the behind-the-scenes shots kindly taken by my sister, check out this link: and look for the 11 Dec album. Two more weeks of holidays, and I need to settle down and begin planning for school in earnest. Thank you Papa .. for restoring my hope in You this season. :) | | Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 | | 11:10 am |
the way to a girl's heart
As Galvs was walking me out to the car just now, I accidentally lost my balance and put my foot forward to steady myself. Unfortunately, my high-heeled shoe landed directly on Galv's bare foot. Clearly in pain, the good man brushed off his foot and declared himself okay, despite my horrified apologies. And then, almost as an afterthought, he mumbled " Good thing you're not that heavy". (for those who have seen me recently, you'd have noticed that I've gained quite a bit of weight! The title of this post says it all ... :)) | | Thursday, September 18th, 2008 | | 11:09 am |
akan datang ...
 Yes, akan datang ... though it doesn't feel like it. The wedding is less than eight months away. It's funny how two-three years felt like an eternity to wait when we first got together, but now we're eight months away and it still feels just as far away. I can imagine being married, but not -really-. Even as galvs and I are going through Covenant's Marriage Preparation Course right now, we discuss the nitty gritty of the emotional and practical aspects of marriage, but it all still feels rather hypothetical to me. As with all other things in life, I guess you'll only know what it's really like after you've experienced it. In the meantime, we have been rather enjoying our wedding preparations, though things have been proceeding slowly by most standards. I know that the time to fuss over favours, invitations, guest lists and flowers will eventually come, but right now I'm more focused on building the foundations for our relationship. A marriage isn't built in a day of festivities .. the pretty dresses, flowers and honeymoon do little to prepare for that lifetime of living, planning, and saving for two instead of one. God has been making many things fall in place, for which I am thankful. Dori and I have had the chance to spend much more time together, and I love it that she feels comfy with my sis and together we can form a little family unit apart from the parents. It brings me great joy to know that after marriage, galvs and I will remain close to our siblings, and can continue taking care of them and having that close relationship. By God's grace, we don't lose, but gain. I feel thankful for friends like euns and shuyi who make the time to be part of our journey ... even though I'm not the exactly the most proactive person when it comes to getting the ball rolling and inviting others to be a part of what I'm doing. I'm so glad I have friends who care so much for me, not forgetting my dear dg girls who bless my life so much with their presence in it. I am thankful for my parents' willingness to smoothen the bumps along this period of adjustment to galvin's move to boarding school - tirelessly giving me lifts home from his place so I don't have to waste time and energy travelling back on my own at the end of the day. They have also been so welcoming and loving towards him, treating him as part of our family and including him in everything. In fact, I think my mum has learnt quickly that instead of giving advice to stubborn old me, the best mode of delivery is through him cos he understands her point of view pretty well (this is not always a good thing for me but I do appreciate it that they get along well!). I am thankful for Galvin who loves me so faithfully and sweetly. Though lately I keep repeating sadly that "marriage is exchanging the attention of many guys for the inattention of just one", I know that he is doing the best that he can to love me amidst the many pressing demands on us in this season. He makes effort to carve out bits of time just for me, and most importantly, is my strong pillar of support and encouragement as I struggle to adjust and soar in this new phase of work life. He is a dream-releaser and a mentor to me ... he is the channel and outlet God has provided for me to gain perspective. Galvin prays with me and for me, and takes the time to listen to my frustrations and bring me back to the things that matter most to me. He is an example and inspiration to me in his own life, philosophy and conduct (haha I sound like writing testimonial hor, it's that time of the year for form teachers la!) and I am privileged and honoured to have him walking with me through this life (and the next!). We are both the better for it. :) I thank God, who is my faithful Papa, today, tomorrow and always. I love Him very much, and taste His goodness anew everyday. Papa .. you are giving me the wings to soar in the life that You have prepared for me. Let my life sing praises to You daily! | | Monday, August 25th, 2008 | | 10:34 am |
dark nights of the soul
haha super cheem title ah. But it comes from this phrase that our profs kept using when we were writing our theses - they kept saying that the experience would force us to face that void when we struggle for meaning, purpose and direction in what we were doing, working for the first time without the comfort of assignment questions or group mates to tell you what and why you need to do what you're doing. I bring this up now because I'm really facing this void of meaning in work. The inner assumptions I had about how I would contribute in this field and calling have been challenged so badly by circumstances and my own limited capacity in the past two months. Thankfully, at the church anniversary dinner yesterday, I managed to share my heart with a few good friends ... who shared their journey and reminded me that God is still with me. In particular, my dear sis shared how one day she just told God that if she didn't get to experience any little successes in her work soon, she just wouldn't be able to carry on. Following that prayer, God just opened so many doors for her. I didn't make that same prayer, but my spirit was lifted and pointed back to God who is always here for me. This morning as I went to work my heart was so much lighter, not because I've found a new purpose, but because His presence gives me hope that things can and will improve in time. Oddly enough, my students seemed so happy to see me today, waving and smiling and greeting along the corridors. Pa really knows just what I need to keep me going in this job :) But I hope to use the coming break to re-evaluate and re-align to seek His purposes anew in this season. | | Monday, August 4th, 2008 | | 2:10 am |
A heart full of thanksgiving - Part One
Here I am, sick at home, on MC for the next two days. I've been having a flu/sorethroat/cough/headache for the past week, and it's been worrying to think about how time and things are rushing on and on at work and in church while I feel too ill to keep up with it all. But oddly enough this past one, two weeks has been really good for me, spiritually and emotionally. I don't know where it started, maybe it was Ps Edmund's challenge at leaders' empowering for us to rise up and lead, or my reading of the sacred marriage book or .. haha I don't know. It feels like so many things have happened and I'm changing day by day for the better :) Lest I ramble on too much (forgive me, am pumped full of antibiotics and antiinflammatories and cough syrups and lozenges), I shall just try to write about some recurring reflections and thoughts in my mind right now. Teaching - My thoughts and attitude towards teaching have changed so much since term started six weeks ago. We're into week seven of term 3, and it's common test time before the end of the term. I was away at APCG for the whole of week 4, and was down with MC in week six, and now week seven. Since I only see some of my classes only twice a week, it 'feels' like I haven't really managed to teach them at all and now the tests are upon us. From my earlier perspective, I would probably be beating myself up right now, for 'leaving my students in the lurch'. Right now though, I believe God has been teaching me to release my career to Him. Yes, I have a responsibility to be a dedicated teacher to do my utmost best for the kids under my charge. But I must learn to recognise that blessings and results come from God, and not me. In the beginning of term, I had the audacity(?) and arrogance to tell my classes that I was not going to let any of them fail; that I would make sure to prepare them sufficiently for all tests that had to be taken. Half a term on, I now realise that there are many factors outside a teacher's control. Rather than focusing on what I can or must do for 'my' students, I am learning to focus on just walking close to God, and witnessing what He is doing among my students. I am no longer driven by the need to prove to them that I am a good teacher who truly cares for them, because I know my God knows my heart. Whatever my heart's cry for these kids He's given to be under my charge, He hears and He answers each prayer in ways over and above what I can imagine. Marriage, Future, Relationship with Galvin - Thank you all so so much for your loving prayers for Galvin and myself. Life has become even busier with the start of the HCI boarding programme. Yesterday was the first day and Galvin spent most of it running around attending to duties and the needs of the kids while I rested in the apartment. Since he's moved into boarding school, we have less dedicated 'couple time' together. However, I sense God changing my heart so I can love Galvin with more endurance, strength and gentleness. In one of the dawn prayer sessions last week, I sensed God telling me that I need to release Galvin to enjoy the blessings that God has given. For example, his upcoming Thinkquest trip to San Francisco. As one of the teams he trains has emerged as a finalist in the international competition, he gets to accompany them to San Francisco where they will join in the prize-giving ceremony and enjoy a fully paid holiday and tours! Previously, I was rather mopey about this because it means that Galvin is going away for a bit. Whenever he has to travel for work I dread it because I miss him badly. Even though I am happy for him that he's doing well at work and getting all these chances to travel, there's a part of me that always feels a sharp pang of hurt and self-pity. Increasingly though, whenever those self-pitying thoughts come, I'm finding the strength to tell myself that I'll be okay just depending on God, because He has always been and will continue to be enough for me :) Previously I'd swing between crazy extremes of whining too Galvin about missing him, or being indifferent and burying myself in work and things to do. Now, I know God will give me the wisdom and emotional strength to discern when to tell Galvin I need him, and when to release him to whatever God has called him to do and enjoy, trusting that God Himself will see me through. |
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